I Want to Fight
Believe
me, in the past few years I have lifted almost every misconception I’ve had
about myself. I became a writer. I finally labeled myself a
“martial artist” and not just someone who does martial arts. I initiated
my martial arts website, “The Martial Arts Woman,” and connected with other
martial artists around the world. I guest posted for other bloggers,
podcasted, and created videos. I pushed “hate” to the background. I
faced fears of rejection and doubt. I worked out to build stronger muscles. I
cultivated a strong, positive mindset. I went out on a limb and reached for
goals that were extremely high. My words have been published. I wrote and
recorded songs and even shared them with a few people. I became a better
listener. I am the person I always wanted to be.
Strong. Competent. Passionate. Committed. Resourceful. Dedicated.
The new
wave of people I meet only see me in this light. Now I am an inspiration
and a motivation for others. I share their stories and I listen to their tales
and I am appreciated for it. I couldn’t ask for more. All of this is
worth the hard work. All of this is worth fighting for.
I wrote
one blog about a man in a wheelchair and his plight to learn karate. It was
misconstrued by an Internet group of haters (trolls) who decided I was taking
advantage of this poor guy by using his “handicap” as my “inspiration.” Hate
flew far and wide across social media, even though my blog post was written
with his words and any of my personal commentary was approved by him. It
was the first time I experienced hate in this fashion, as it rolled and grew
until it was like a tidal wave crashing down. While I really wanted to
fight back with a hard punch, I took the high road, the calm road, the peaceful
road, which is sometimes a better way to fight back than any other. When
something is done for the right reasons, no one has the right to judge me.
So, I let it go and that was my fight.
In my
martial art, I am a teacher and have been for many, many years. I teach
students how to perform karate katas or throws and how to spar. My
husband is the better teacher when it comes to sparring. I’m too busy making
sure everyone is okay, no one gets hurt, that they keep their gear on.
But I also judge their points. I know what to look for, where the opening
is, and how they should navigate it. It’s easier as a coach than a
participant. When you are watching, you can see. When you are fighting
you are blinded by everything except your intense focus on your
opponent. I recall the intensity from years past, although I haven’t sparred in
a while.
In
thinking about it, I realized this is a component I’m lacking in my training
these days. On my own, I can practice all of the skills and drills with
no problem. But, I want to fight. Not because I am some
anger-driven, crazy woman lunatic! Not even because I think it will help
save my life, because I think other techniques are more suited to that. I
just want to feel the physicality of fast paced movement, application of the
fast hands, and clear direction of a kick on a target that bears some
resemblance to an opponent. I’m not looking for an all-out bar room brawl
or anything. No, just a roundabout with a trained fighter so if I slip up
and miss, neither of us gets hurt. It’s more than sparring I’m after; it
is direction. I don’t even care about scoring a point. I just want
to feel it. The swish of the air, the sweat dripping, the rhythm of being
pushed to extreme. It can be slow motion, which is where good learning
takes place, or kicked up a notch. I need to know I won’t flair or
succumb when I need to stand tall because I have technique. Anyone can throw
a punch, but how? What is most effective? If I am close up, how do I do
it? I don’t want to be a woman-wimp. I want a trainer who is a man who
feels right about teaching a woman. I need a teacher who understands that I’m
not doing this to protect my life, I’m doing it because I can.
It’s one
of those things I guess, where you ask yourself if you are doing everything you
want in life, everything that matters to you, or if you are still shying away
from the things that don’t readily present themselves. I’m not looking to
be shoved into a ring to fight the battle of my lifetime. I’m looking to
be trained in eye/hand coordination, breath, and momentum. It’s not the
fight, but the training, that means something to me. I don’t want a
trophy or recognition, or even a pat on the back. I just want a trainer
to tell me, “this is what you do and this is how you do it.”
So true
in life. Strategy is half the battle to every obstacle and failure that
presents itself. How you fight back and how you recover make all the
difference. Will you crumple and walk away and never face your fear again? Or,
will you learn what to do, how to handle it, and make sure it never happens
that way again? Your mind can be trained right along with your body. Your mind
can learn proper technique and skill and that includes perseverance, patience,
and a positive mindset. Half of any battle is belief in yourself. The
other half is made up of training and practice, skills, and strategy.
I want to
fight. I want to fight the battles that try to make me deviate from who I
am. The battles that pull me in the wrong direction. I’m willing to work
hard to win my own wars.
So, show
me how to fight. How do I hold my hands? How do I gain quickness? When do I go
in for the punch? Let me feel the sweat pour off my body and hear the words
echo in my mind “you’ve got this.”
Not because I have to, but because I want to.
No win is
more important than the life-win and that’s what this is all about.
A great article! Thank you so much, Andrea. Readers are encouraged to visit her site at THE MARTIAL ARTS WOMAN . And please visit it often. Her writing has such a great personal touch to it. Hopefully, we can encourage her to post another article soon.
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